Oh Yana, this is incredibly raw and vulnerable. It’s beautiful. While it’s certainly be a tough journey it sounds to me like you are metaphorically standing on top of a viewpoint, having climbed for hours to get there. You are now surveying the landscape and realise the effort of the hike was worth it as you are on top of the world. Content. Books as gifts, gift the world. The world is yours! 😀🙏