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I can still feel the excruciating pain of being left out. Whilst we often box this experience into our childhood, it can also surface as adults. The hurt from exclusion or feeling overseen is real. It is a feeling, which, for a long time I felt ashamed of. I attributed the cause to myself. I believed I was not good enough, and it was my own fault.
As a consequence of this, I go out of my way to make sure everyone around me feels involved and included. At social gatherings, my spidey senses can feel if someone feels awkward or surplus. I will bring them into the mix. I feel a responsibility for the happiness of others. I know, this is ridiculous and it is something I am working on.
Organizing social gatherings can lead me to sleepless nights. Whilst I love the idea of getting friends together and encouraging their connections, the reality is very different. The mere thought of leaving someone out and instigating those feelings of isolation, unintentionally, in someone else, gives me palpitations. More normal people barely give this much thought.
