This should always have been a choice though. Here is where the problem lies.

I know you are writing this with compassion but you are writing it from the angle of thinking people are choosing not to have children for frivolous reasons.

I am childfree and I have known my whole life I didn’t want children. I am grateful to live in an era where I can execute this choice. Yes I’ve faced stigma, lost relationships and friendships because of this, but it’s who I am.

You say you feel sad for those opting out. My issue here is that you presume the best life involves children. Maybe you could celebrate their deep knowing and that they are following their own path. There are many ways to feel fulfilled and happy and it’s not just through children.

I think I understand your message, I don’t want to put words in your mouth. But for you, being a mum is everything and so are your children so you can’t comprehend others not wanting this. So your message originates out of compassion but it assumes having children as the default.

Not having children is not a trend. There are some incredible books out there about the history of women without kids. Infact there’s dozens of books on the childfree topic full stop. Along with research papers, podcasts etc. I’ve written 20+ articles on the topic here which you may be interested in reading to help you understand.

Often people who choose not to have children have given this more thought than those who decide to have them. This is a good thing, because the prevalence of parents who regret having kids is rising. There’s also a fascinating book called Regretting Motherhood, which you may be interested in.

I wish you all the happiness for being a parent. But please don’t pity those of us who choose not to have children. Choice is empowering. Just like you, we are following our yearning.